Onmywaytobeauty's Blog

It’s all so frustrating! | December 15, 2009

I’ve been thinking, recently, about how frustrating military life can be.  I mean, I spent 3 1/2 years in Germany, during which time my husband was deployed to Iraq twice, and we missed countless holidays and births and special occasions that are meant to be spent with family,  only to come back to the States (thank you, God!!), and be dropped in the middle of the desert.  Don’t get me wrong; compared to Germany, Tucson, AZ, is a kind of heaven.  But… I don’t know… don’t you think they could just NOT tease me, and either drop me on another continent, or let me live where all of my family is?  My parents and my sisters are ALL in the same place, and that place is in the same town as an Air Force base.  There’s no reason they have to be so cruel as to put me so close (compared to before), and yet too far away to visit without breaking the bank.  And now, it’s Christmas time, Thanksgiving is just recently passed, and my sister is on her way to the hospital to have a baby.  I have no idea when I am going to see him…  It’s all just so frustrating.  I think I might rather be in Germany, on any other continent, really, than to be this close, and not be able to get closer.  It’s beyond frustrating.  It’s downright infurriating, sometimes!!!  These are things that families are supposed to be together for, that they’re supposed to share…  and now I sit here in the dark, looking at the lights on my Christmas tree, wondering when I will be with my family again.  Don’t get me wrong–I LOVE my husband and kids, they really are the best–but my sisters and I, and our parents… we’ve always been close.  Even when we were fighting.  And Christmas was always a very special time for us.  Going out with our dad to find the perfect tree (even now, I call him up to check and see that I’m getting a good one), decorating that tree together as a family; baking cookies and Jewish coffee cake and pumpkin bread and endless goodies with my mom; wrapping presents with my dad on Christmas Eve… listening to Mariah Carey Merry Christmas over and over and over and over……  You’d think that, after 3 Christmases away from home, that I’d be used to it, and start my own family traditions (and I really have been trying), but there’s just something about those old memories that just come to the surface this time of year and make me nostalgic and lonely, even surrounded by my kids and husband.

So, all of that rambling to say what?  I don’t really know.  I guess I just needed to vent.  I’m waiting up for news about my sister who’s having a baby right now, and I guess I’m just overwhelmed with all of the stuff that I’m missing.

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